I was lucky, my mate remains supportive. I know a woman who detransitioned because her life became hellish without support; now, again, she hides as a man.

Try to get away, alone, for a few days. Maybe you could go visit a support group in a different city. Then it might help you decide what route to take. If you cannot bear to part with your current life and relationships, maybe you could try negotiating weekend gender-excursions.

And if there is no one who could support you in your current life, maybe you need to decide whether you wish to leave altogether, and start a new life elsewhere.

Thank you for being honest. I remember how painful it is to be closeted. I wish you the best.